I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
