No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
