I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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