I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
