I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
