i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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