I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
