Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
