drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
