i think my tv is drunk
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
