This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
