I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
