I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
