i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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