I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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