oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
