I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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