dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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