Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
