she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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