I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
