Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize