i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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