It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
