Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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