Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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