Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
