And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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