Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
