That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
