i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
