Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
