i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize