you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize