i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
