just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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