You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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