So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize