I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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