Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
