it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
