Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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