It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
