Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
