Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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