I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
