Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
