Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
