I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
