Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
