Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
