Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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