Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
