Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
