i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
