so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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