i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I skipped work to stalk him.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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