MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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