you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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