You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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