There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
