I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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