i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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