You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize