apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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