can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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