i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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