I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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