if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
