Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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