Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
