I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize